Here's the Pitch.. Slow and Straight. - All I have to do is swing and I'm a hero...but I'm a zero.-

I find New Years Resolutions...practically pointless. Very few people actually stick with them. So I don't understand why I should make one just to fail miserably and then feel worse about myself. That's not to say that I'm not making a few. I need to set some goals.

1.Stop doubting myself/lacking confidence when it comes to my own knowledge.
- I do this.. a lot. Yes, I know many people do.. but it's getting in the way of everything. I know that I'm smart, it's just that other people make me doubt this. Doubting myself only makes me do worse.

2.Stop giving up when things seem too hard.
-I'm not a quitter, but the past few years it seems like that's all I've been doing. It's not in my nature, which means it's an acquired habit. :( I need to break this habit...ASAP! The only problem is.. I don't know how. I need help, but I don't like asking. I'm hardheaded.

3.Realize that I'm capable of being loved.
- This is a big one. After MANY failed attempts at having a relationship..I've given up. Sometimes I just feel like no one would like me. There's no reason to. I have a boyfriend, who is absolutely amazing. One problem.. I'm worried that it's too good to be true. What if he hurts me like the rest? I know..I know.. I should be positive. But how do you expect me to have an optimistic outlook on love... when I've been screwed over countless times before. Let's just see where this goes....I really like him a lot.. and I want it to work.

4.CARE.
-This goes hand in hand with giving up. I realize that I can't do something.. give up.. and then act like I don't care about it. That's not the way to go about life. Acting like you don't care doesn't always make you NOT care. In fact, it makes it much worse. People expect you not to care so you act like you don't, but it's eating you up inside. I want to try...but I'm so worried that I'm going to fail.. and I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get my hopes up anymore.

5.The Oh So Common... Lose Weight.
- A part of my insecurities come from the fact that I'm not happy with myself. If I make it so that I am happy, I'll be more likely to put forth an effort with other things. Anyway.. I want to lose weight. I've gained a lot since junior year...and I'm just not happy with it, whatsoever. I'm not sure how much I want to lose...I just want my old clothes to fit comfortably.

6.FOCUS
-I really need to buckle down with school. I thought I had things covered this semester..but I ended up failing everything.. except UNIV. I was devastated. Did I show it? NO.. Why?..Because I acted like I didn't care.....My parents have NO IDEA. I fell way behind, and a lot happened. It was a bad semester overall. I hate that I've become a slacker. I was never this way..and it needs to change. I'm going to the doctor in a week and a half to get a prescription for Adderall. I have ADHD and I think that maybe being medicated might help. I'll keep you posted on that.

7.Become a better friend.
-I've done some shitty things to people that I really care about. I'm sorry. You have no idea how much your friendship means to me...and I wasn't lying when I said that losing you was something I couldn't handle. You're an amazing person and friend. Hopefully you'll give me another chance to prove that I want you in my life, and that I'm immensely sorry for hurting you. (Note: if this is about you..you'll know. don't ask.)

Overall I know what I need to do...
- straighten out my priorities - focus on school - love myself - appreciate others -
...let's see what happens.

i hope i can achieve my goals and they aren't just things i'll disregard in a month or so..